The Little Moments

Last night, my son completely melted my heart. The fact that he had spend a large portion of the day beating me in the head with a ravioli spoon was completely forgotten. We settled in to read a book before bed (Sammy Goes to Ocean City, New Jersey) just like we do every night, but he was just extra snuggly. I finished reading the first page and started to turn to the next page and that's when it happened, he leaned in for a kiss. Adorable. I got to the end of the next page and he leaned in again. He did this over and over until the book was done. I wished, of course, that I had chosen a longer book-like Gone With the Wind. But for the 15 or so pages, he just made my heart melt.
There are so many moments like this that he and I share. Sometimes I take it for granted. It's just a part of our day. But when I tell the stories to other people, I get a chance to step back and see how funny and sweet these moments are. He's a quirky kid! When we change his diapers, he wants to see what character is on the diaper. He loves when it's Elmo or Cookie Monster or Big Bird. He really would rather we not put him in the Ernie or Grover diapers. Why? Who knows! But it's very clear to me that he has a preference.
His newest word is "gotcha". Where did he learn it? Oh, not from Mommy who gives everything in the house a name and feels sometimes like she is a crazy person talking to herself all day. No, of course not. He learned "gotcha" from a talking fly swatter that he's been playing with. It's hysterical! He will go around the house saying, "gah-cha" to everything. He has no idea what it means, but I think he likes the way it sounds. The poor dog can't stand it!
I do think that my little boy is going to be a chef. His favorite thing to do is watch the "cooking show". No, not the Food Network. He likes to watch me cook. If I turn on the mixer, he starts yelling "ooh, ooh, ooh" from wherever he has been playing and he runs over to see what I'm making. He wants you to pick him up so he can watch what's being chopped, cooked, mixed or baked. The other night he didn't like what I made for dinner, so when he got down from his high chair, he went to get his play pots and pans and some play vegetables and he showed me what he really wanted for dinner. He is a riot.
So here I sit, waiting for him to wake up and wondering what adventure is in store for us today.

Bittersweet

Our guest room rivals Babies R' Us right now with the amount of baby stuff that's crammed in there. The time I've been dreading has arrived-it's time to pack up the truly "baby" stuff and make room for the little guy's toddler stuff. I kept putting clothes and other things he had outgrown in the guest room telling myself I'd get to it later. Later has come and I realize that I've put it off this long because I just wasn't ready to say goodbye to his "baby-ness".
He's growing up so fast-chasing and teasing the dog. Chattering away to himself (and anyone else who will listen). Laughing at his own inside jokes and at his silly mommy and daddy. Pulling himself up on the couch and walking around holding on to it. Feeding himself. Grabbing the spoon out of my hand so he can do it. His feet are touching the back seat in his rear facing car seat, and he's almost maxed out the weight, so it's time to say goodbye to that as well.
It's so exciting to imagine the type of boy he'll be and the man he'll grow up to be, but I wish he would slow down. Inside I'm screaming, "slow down, I'm not ready" and sometimes when I watch him play my eyes well up with tears.
When I was in those first few weeks of me not sleeping and him not eating well, it felt like things were always going to be that way. I never believed people really when they said that it all goes by so fast. But that feels like a lifetime ago. It's so hard to picture my life before him. He's such a part of me-like I was just waiting for him to come along, but I've known and loved him forever. Does that make sense?
I better get to packing up his little baby stuff before I lose my nerve.

Um...Okay

Competitive mothering strikes again! The baby and I were driving home today after a visit to the library with his Aunt. It was a beautiful day, the sun was bright, the weather cool-they don't make days much better than this. While the baby entertained himself by making funny faces and silly noises, I was listening to talk radio and my mood quickly soured.
A woman called into a conservative talk show to share her views on everything going on in the country. I have no problem with that, but I do have a problem with how she described herself. She is a "college educated SAHM." Why even say that? What does it matter? Does that make you any better at being a SAHM? Do you really think that will make anyone take what you say more seriously?
I know, just let it go. At the end of the day, it's no big deal. And truth be told, I was over it by the time I got home. (Well, over it with the exception of this little rant). As a fellow SAHM, I absolutely understand her need to justify her place in this world. It really is a struggle. I guess it's hard for a lot of people to understand why my husband and I have made this choice, but for our family, it's the right choice and I know that. It's silly though. Shouldn't we SAHMs just back each other up? We shouldn't feel like we have to constantly explain our choice and assure people that we are not trashy, uneducated loser, baby-making machines. Why do we do this to ourselves?
So, lady who called in today, I'm sorry I judged you. But we both need to stop judging ourselves.