A Heart Full of Thanksgiving

Image from Here

It's been an eventful year for our family.  As we lived our lives this year, I was tempted several times to stop and write down what was happening.  I never wanted to forget the things that were said, the feelings that were felt.  I of course want to remember all of the beautiful things and it is impossible to forget the terrifying things.  There are so many moments I wish I could freeze in time.  There are so many things I wish I had said out loud.  But on this day set aside specifically to give thanks, I wanted to take a moment to do just that.

I am thankful for our house that is such a happy home.  We welcomed so many special guests into our home this year.  I hope that every year our house hears more laughter and is filled with more love than the year before.  

I am thankful for friends, both old and new.  Thank you for letting me cry, making me laugh, reminding me that I can get through anything, loving me, loving my children, being here, listening, praying, and being such incredible people.  Thank you for being such a special part of my life.

I am thankful that my sister is my best friend.  Amanda, thank you for feeding me, distracting me, keeping me company, making sure I always have something to read, and for doing the dishes even when you're the one who cooked.  I spent so much of the last year feeling like I was running in circles, but you always managed to get me moving forward again.  I love you.

Mom and Dad.  Thank you doesn't seem sufficient.  I hope you know how much I love you.  How much the kids love you.  It will take me a million lifetimes to thank you for all you have done for me.  Thank you for making the scary days less scary, the great days memorable, and all the days in between special.  

I am thankful to have my Mother In Law living close by now.  I love watching the kids spending true quality time with Grandma.  I am thankful that she was "ready to rumble" with me when I felt two of my babies were disrespected.  I enjoy having her in our day to day life and I am so thankful that she is here.

I am thankful for my family (cousins, aunts, uncles) because they helped make me who I am.  I miss you all so much.  Every day.  And I can't wait until we're all able to be together.  I am thankful for whoever created text messages and the ability to share pictures instantly because it makes everyone feel not so far away.  I love yous guys.

I am thankful for my three precious and HEALTHY children.  Thank you sweet Mamie girl for being you.  You made our family complete.  Thank you Super P for reminding me how incredible life can be.  You have forever changed me.  You are the toughest little guy I know.  Thank you Jackson for being my buddy.  I love talking to you, and you sure do have a lot to say.  I love watching you grow and I am so proud to be your mommy.

I am so incredibly thankful for Brian.  Thank you, for everything.  I love you with all of my heart.

And I am especially thankful to the cashier I had at the grocery store on Saturday, April 14.  He taught me a very special lesson that day that I hope will make me a better person.  I never shared the story because we were pretty busy, but I feel it's one worth sharing now.  We had only been home from the hospital for a little while when I ran to the store to pick up something for dinner.  The store was crowded and I had to wait in line to check out.  The two women in line ahead of me definitely looked put together-they were each nicely dressed and clearly had bigger plans for the night than I did.  I was well aware that I smelled like stale hospital air, had spit up on both sleeves of my shirt, my hair was filthy, and I hadn't showered in at least a day.  The cashier asked each of the women ahead of me what their plans were for the night and he made other polite chit chat with them.  When it was my turn, I started to get excited about what I could say about my day.  But the cashier didn't talk to me.  I don't know what he assumed about me based on my appearance, but I guess he didn't think I'd want to talk.  He didn't even say "how are you doing today."  I had the most amazing answer ready.  I was going to tell him that after a week of complete hell, of watching my son's body become covered in bruises for no reason and bleed from places he shouldn't bleed, I finally knew for sure that he didn't have cancer.  He denied me the chance to say out loud, "I'M DOING GREAT! I JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY SON DOESN'T HAVE CANCER."  He reminded me instead that you should just be kind because you simply don't know what kind of battle people are facing. 

I am thankful for each morning.  I am thankful for each breath I take.  I am thankful for life-on the good days and the bad days.  And I look forward to the year ahead with a grateful heart.

A Very Special Tree

I finally got around to decorating my main Christmas tree today.

It might not be much to look at, especially if you're into designer or theme trees.  I have a few themed trees as well.  But this Christmas tree is special.  It has taken thirty five years of love, friendship, creativity, and life to create.  I consider my Christmas tree to be one of the greatest gifts ever given to me.  I have ornaments made by my Mom.  I have ornaments made by a very dear family friend, Bonnie.  The ornaments on my tree tell the story of my life.

There are a few ornaments on the tree from my "blue" period which wasn't much of a blue period at all.  No, it was more of a lazy period.  I made this ornament in nursery school and it is blue simply because I was too lazy to find another color.  When I lived at home, I tried to give my blue ornaments a place of honor on the front of the tree, but somehow they always found their way to the back of the tree.  You can be sure the blue ornaments are front and center now!

There are ornaments that tell the story of my past.  This is the Evans Critter-the mascot from the first elementary school I attended. 

There are ornaments documenting my hobbies both old,

and new.









There are ornaments for some of the best days of my life,

and for Christmas' I don't want to forget.

There are ornaments made by Bonnie.  This is the ornament she created this year and it is quite possibly my favorite.

There are ornaments made with love by my Mom.

There are my husband's ornaments, mostly Star Wars.

And there is an ornament so special that I save it for last and cry when I put it on the tree. 

I started collections of ornaments for both the boys already and I hope that one day when they decorate their Christmas trees in their own homes they have the same feeling of love and nostalgia.  What an incredible gift.



















Everyday Miracles

Dear Sweet Jackson,

If you ever read this blog (at the rate you're going, it might be next week), I want you to know that with all this talk about miracles, you are just as much a miracle to me as your brother is.  You are the miracle who made me a mom.  You are the miracle who has made me grow as a person.  Every single day that I watch you grow, you make me believe in miracles.  You are brilliant, and I'm not just saying that because I'm your mom.  You are kind, loving, silly, curious and such an amazing little boy.  You make me so proud!  Today I watched you play race cars with your brother.  How is it that you know to play gently with him?  How is it that you know to use your softest, sweetest voice with him?  It must be a miracle.  Sure, your dad and I might have a little something to do with it, but truly you are a miracle!

And I love you.

Dear Peyton,

I can't believe you are four months old!  I feel like I can tell you now something I hate to even say out loud.  I did not think you were going to make it.  I spent my entire pregnancy terrified that something was wrong.  I had good reason.  If you put the words "high risk" in front of something, it can't mean anything good.  The only good thing about being high risk (besides becoming close personal friends with your ob-gyn and the entire staff of the doctor's office) is listening to the baby's heartbeat.  I lived for my appointments because I got to hear your heartbeat.  It felt like the only natural thing about my pregnancy.  Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.  The best sound in the world.  But then there were those appointments towards the end.  You were so stubborn.  You didn't want to move.  You didn't want me to hear your heartbeat.  I used to hold my breath and lay very, very still praying that you were still okay. 

Maybe that was your way of preparing me for what was to come.

I know.  You're tired of hearing your birth story.  You are so over it.  If you were a teenager, you'd be rolling your eyes at me.  You have moved on.

You have decided to just forgot all about your dramatic entrance into this world.  You don't want to miss a developmental beat.  I am constantly amazed by your strength.  For the past two nights, you keep rolling over in your crib (and crying because you can't figure out how to roll back onto your back).  You played race cars with your brother twice today. 

You are clearly healthy, so why am I still having such a hard time processing everything? 

When I hold you, I know that I am holding a miracle in my arms.  I look at you and see the gift from God that you are. 

Thank you for being my miracle!

And to my family and friends, thank you for everything.  Your genorosity has been humbling.  You are making it possible for the March of Dimes to continue to work towards their goal of one day every baby being born healthy.  As we walk tomorrow and celebrate our superhero, I will be praying for the parents who's journey is just beginning.  I will be praying for the mothers and fathers sitting helplessly at their baby's bedside in the hospital.  I will be praying for all the people in my life who want nothing more than to become parents.  And I will pray that Peyton continues to thrive.