'Twas the Week Before Pre-School....and Mommy's a Mess

School starts next week.
Jackson will begin Pre-K on Monday. I'm happy to say he is over the moon excited to go back! He'll be in school 5 days a week, so I'm sure it will be a bit of an adjustment for all of us, but I think we're all looking forward to our school year routine.
And on Tuesday, sweet sweet Super P will begin school as well.
So if you need me anytime during the next week or so, I'll be in the corner trying hard to not let the kids see me crying. No, really. I am a mess.
It has been a long two and a half plus years. We have been through so much to get to this point. I have held my sweet Super P while we've talked to a neonatologist, a cardiologist, a neurologist, an audiologist, a urologist, and a hematologist. He has been intubated and on a ventilator. He has had a spinal tap. I sat terrified holding him as he received immunoglobulin to treat a problem with his platelets.
I pray for him, over him, with him. I have pleaded with God. I have fallen apart and pulled myself back together for him. I waited almost 18 months to see him walk and two years to hear him talk. All this time, I have been his voice.
And now, for two mornings (7 hours a week), we will be apart. And he will find his voice.
And I will, for the first time, need to trust someone outside our circle to love and protect him.
I knew that this wouldn't be easy.
But I didn't expect it to be this hard.
So forgive me if you're expecting to hear from me this week and you don't. I'm holding my 2 year old close to my heart. I'm crying. And I'm learning how to let go.