Thursday, September 10, 2009


Our guest room rivals Babies R' Us right now with the amount of baby stuff that's crammed in there. The time I've been dreading has arrived-it's time to pack up the truly "baby" stuff and make room for the little guy's toddler stuff. I kept putting clothes and other things he had outgrown in the guest room telling myself I'd get to it later. Later has come and I realize that I've put it off this long because I just wasn't ready to say goodbye to his "baby-ness".
He's growing up so fast-chasing and teasing the dog. Chattering away to himself (and anyone else who will listen). Laughing at his own inside jokes and at his silly mommy and daddy. Pulling himself up on the couch and walking around holding on to it. Feeding himself. Grabbing the spoon out of my hand so he can do it. His feet are touching the back seat in his rear facing car seat, and he's almost maxed out the weight, so it's time to say goodbye to that as well.
It's so exciting to imagine the type of boy he'll be and the man he'll grow up to be, but I wish he would slow down. Inside I'm screaming, "slow down, I'm not ready" and sometimes when I watch him play my eyes well up with tears.
When I was in those first few weeks of me not sleeping and him not eating well, it felt like things were always going to be that way. I never believed people really when they said that it all goes by so fast. But that feels like a lifetime ago. It's so hard to picture my life before him. He's such a part of me-like I was just waiting for him to come along, but I've known and loved him forever. Does that make sense?
I better get to packing up his little baby stuff before I lose my nerve.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


Competitive mothering strikes again! The baby and I were driving home today after a visit to the library with his Aunt. It was a beautiful day, the sun was bright, the weather cool-they don't make days much better than this. While the baby entertained himself by making funny faces and silly noises, I was listening to talk radio and my mood quickly soured.
A woman called into a conservative talk show to share her views on everything going on in the country. I have no problem with that, but I do have a problem with how she described herself. She is a "college educated SAHM." Why even say that? What does it matter? Does that make you any better at being a SAHM? Do you really think that will make anyone take what you say more seriously?
I know, just let it go. At the end of the day, it's no big deal. And truth be told, I was over it by the time I got home. (Well, over it with the exception of this little rant). As a fellow SAHM, I absolutely understand her need to justify her place in this world. It really is a struggle. I guess it's hard for a lot of people to understand why my husband and I have made this choice, but for our family, it's the right choice and I know that. It's silly though. Shouldn't we SAHMs just back each other up? We shouldn't feel like we have to constantly explain our choice and assure people that we are not trashy, uneducated loser, baby-making machines. Why do we do this to ourselves?
So, lady who called in today, I'm sorry I judged you. But we both need to stop judging ourselves.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

That's Gonna Hurt

I just noticed the first little kid hand print on our back door. It's so cute! I kind of don't want to clean it. I think I might just enjoy it for a little while. It's cute because he had to climb up the door a little to make the handprint. Just another sign that he's getting to be a big boy.
This has been a big week for him. On Thursday, he started to try climbing the couch. Not much success. He would pull up to his knees, but he couldn't get his feet uncrossed and he just kept falling down. Friday was a different story. How do their little minds work? Thursday, nothing but frustration. Friday, he pulls up on his knees and just pops right up. He thought it was AWESOME! Over and over again - sit down, stand up, sit down, stand up. He couldn't get enough of it!
So yesterday, he could not wait to show off his new skill for daddy. Daddy was just as excited as I was. We just watched our little guy with so much pride. Then the little guy got brave. He decided to climb the steps! So, in less than two days, he mastered standing AND he managed to pull himself up to the second step. Now instead of pride and excitement I am feeling nothing but fear! He's going to get hurt! This house is a death trap! I just want to bundle him up in bubble wrap and keep him safe...
But he's got to learn, right? I mean, of course I know that it's going to hurt when he bumps his head, but he's not going to take my word for it. He's got to bump his head to know. So, I am following him, holding my breath and I'm only intervining when absolutely necessary (for instance, I just can't let him come off the sofa head first). It's hard not to scoop him up and stop his exploration, but I'm trying.
Mommy's growing pains.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Rainy Day

The baby and I are enjoying a good rainy day. He's extra sleepy this afternoon from all the dancing we did after lunch. I think I'm my happiest when he is laughing-especially when he's laughing at me. I'm a TERRIBLE dancer and at almost ten months, he understands this. So, we turn the music up and dance together. He laughs. I laugh. The dog runs away in fear.
I believe that the dog may need some therapy soon. Since the baby's been mobile, the dog is miserable. The baby is fascinated with the dog. He wants to do everything that the dog does. So, when the dog is eating and drinking, the baby crawls right up to him to check it out...He sticks his hand in the dogs water bowl and tries to steal the dog's food. The baby thinks it's hysterical, the dog-not so much. He looks at me with sad eyes and just plops down and sighs waiting for the baby to find something else to do. And the baby has also taken over the dog bed. It's big enough for the two of them to share, but the dog sulks and walks away when the baby crawls up next to them. I know, I probably shouldn't let the baby snuggle up on the dog bed, but it's cute. No harm, no foul! And now the baby is cruising which means walking isn't far behind. So, if anyone can recommend a doggy shrink, we will probably be looking into that soon.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Is It Just Me?

Alright,'s August, and where we are that means it's back to school time already. But it's hot outside and I'm still enjoying the summer. The tv ads, the Sunday newspaper ads-nothing but back to school. It's been in the 90's every day. It's too hot to think and it's really too hot to learn something new. But besides all that, I don't want everyone to be rushing my summer away. I'm still enjoying summer and it's weeks until the fall starts.
If I wasn't ready for back to school, I really wasn't ready for the Halloween costumes in the catalog that came in the mail on Monday. Ugh! I got suckered in. They're cute-really cute! I thought, it's never too early to get a good Halloween costume for the baby, right? WRONG! I love my son, but I am never going to spend $50 on a Halloween costume that he will forget he wore five minutes after he takes it off. I decided to forget about back to school being rushed and I tried to forget about Halloween being rushed, but then...
Last night I get an e-mail reminding me that it's almost time to book my appointment with Santa! That's right, Santa! Somebody please tell me that it really is August and that I'm not losing my mind!!!
The Santa thing is kind of a funny story about how little I know. After the baby was born, the last thing on my mind was a visit to see Santa. But as Christmas got closer and my confidence grew, I thought the Santa thing sounded like a good idea. I didn't want to take the baby to just any Santa though. No, for my baby it had to be the best, the real thing. I was going to take him to Phipps Plaza.
The first time I ever saw the Santa at Phipps, I got chills. When little kids picture Santa, this guy is it. He is absolutely beautiful. Once I got over seeing THE Santa, I got to see the kids waiting to see him in their beautiful Christmas clothes, with perfect little smiles. At that moment I knew, when I had kids, I wanted them to see the "real" Santa.
So one day, sometime in the beginning of December, I decided to look up the hours to see Santa. I find out that the appointments to see Santa are completely booked. WHAT? You heard me right, this Santa sees kids by appointment only and he was completely booked. Not only was he booked, he had been booked since the first week of October! Silly mommy, who knew? So last night, I got my reminder that the appointment website will open at 12:01 a.m. on October 7. Act fast or lose the opportunity to see Santa. Santa sees kids from November 7-December 24. He is that good.
For a minute, I have to admit, I thought about doing it. But I laughed at how crazy it was. I told my husband about the e-mail and he laughed as well. The baby's still so young, he said, wouldn't it be cute if your dad dressed as Santa and we took pictures with the two of them. And that's why I married this guy! That's perfect, I'm going to run it by my dad, but I think he'll love the idea. Much better than last year...we never did get to see Santa last year. We waited in line a few days before Christmas, but when Santa took a break for cookies and milk, I realized that we'd never make it long enough. The closest the baby got to a picture with Santa is when I put a Santa costume on the dog...
Oh, I think that's enough Christmas talk until at least Labor Day.

If you're interested in making an appointment with the "real" Santa, good luck! Here's the link:

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Dreams and Hopes

I know, I know-the phrase should be Hopes and Dreams, but today I think it's the other way around. The baby should be up soon, so this will probably be quick. Indulge me...
I watched Euna Lee and Laura Ling arrive safely in California today. I realize that we may never know the whole story of how they ended up imprisoned in North Korea and truly what it took to set them free, but watching them reunite with their families brought me to tears.
I want my son to see the world. I never want him to be afraid to speak out when there is something he is passionate about. I don't want him to live with fear. I want him to know that the world is his and he is only limited by his dreams. I know that he will make decisions when he is older that I won't understand. But I hope to always be excited for him and to support him. I'm sure that the families of these young women felt the same way too.
Selfishly though, I want him to always come home.
In a book that I'm reading, a mother is asked to describe the love she feels for her children. "Loving them, it's...the only word I can come up with is anguish. I love them so much I'm in anguish. I'm so scared something might happen to them. And it would be my fault. And then I would be alone. I mean, there'd be (my husband), but I'd...I'd be alone." That is the best description I've read about how I feel about being a mother. I want so much for my son, but most of all I want him to be safe. I can not imagine the anguish the mothers of those journalists felt.
For now, while my son sleeps, I'm sure his dreams aren't much bigger than the things he loves and the few things he knows. I hope that when he's older I am brave enough to support his big dreams.
My sweet baby boy.

The quote is from an excellent book "Forgive Me", by Amanda Eyre Ward

Monday, July 27, 2009

With A Rebel Yell

The baby is having nightmares...
Okay, maybe he's NOT having nightmares, but he's keeping me up at night lately. He's gotten into a habit of giving a rebel yell every couple of hours. He's not awake. I go in to check on him and he's sound asleep. Shortly after the rebel yell he starts to talk in his sleep.
So, I came to the conclusion that he was having nightmares. I was up late last night trying to figure out what these nightmares could be. I hope they don't involve his talking Elmo. I'm a fan of the Elmo doll, I think it's adorable...the baby is not amused. I keep trying. I wait until he's in a great mood and I try to reintroduce Elmo. He's not having any of it. Every time Elmo tries to tell him a story, the baby screams as if I am pulling off his fingernails one by one and he can't get out of the room fast enough. Should I move Elmo to the back of the closet, probably, but he sits out in the open in the baby's room and hopefully is not the cause of these new rebel yells.
What else could it be? I often wonder what the baby is thinking. When he talks to his toys, the dog or other kids he is so serious. He furrows his brow and babbles away and then laughs out loud. I know he'll be talking soon enough and I'll know EXACTLY what he's thinking, but I so wish there was a way to know what he was thinking now.
I wonder if he has nightmares about the vacuum. It's the only other thing he really seems to be afraid of. Honestly, it makes like difficult. The baby is crawling now and every time he sits up, he is covered in dog hair. I'd like to vacuum, but he wakes up whenever the vacuum gets to close and I wouldn't dare try to vacuum while he's awake. So, the house is dirty and I try not to let it get to me too much.
If only he was afraid of the washing machine...

Friday, July 24, 2009

A sigh of relief

I can't believe that my little boy is 9 months old! The 9 months of pregnancy go by so slowly. I remember feeling like he was never going to get here. Then suddenly there he was, filling my heart with so much joy, I blinked and now 9 months are gone. I look at him today, a crawling, babbling, precious little boy, and it's so hard to remember my smushy, snuggly baby. We've been through a lot, my little man and I. I recently read an article in Parent's magazine about having a baby just a little bit early. You would think that delivering a few weeks before your due date wouldn't be such a big deal. Your baby isn't considered premature and you are definitely ready for the pregnancy to end. But your baby needs as much time to "cook" as possible. The health issues caused by delivering just "a little bit" early are minor, not enough to keep the baby in the hospital, but to new parents trying to figure everything out and lacking sleep, minor health issues are scary and heartbreaking. But here we are, 9 months later, celebrating this happy, healthy, energetic, silly, sweet, loving and loved little boy! I think that he and I will celebrate by taking a swim this afternoon. The beautiful weather really fits my mood today. Well, the first nap of the day will be ending soon and I hear the laundry calling my name.