Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Dreams and Hopes

I know, I know-the phrase should be Hopes and Dreams, but today I think it's the other way around. The baby should be up soon, so this will probably be quick. Indulge me...
I watched Euna Lee and Laura Ling arrive safely in California today. I realize that we may never know the whole story of how they ended up imprisoned in North Korea and truly what it took to set them free, but watching them reunite with their families brought me to tears.
I want my son to see the world. I never want him to be afraid to speak out when there is something he is passionate about. I don't want him to live with fear. I want him to know that the world is his and he is only limited by his dreams. I know that he will make decisions when he is older that I won't understand. But I hope to always be excited for him and to support him. I'm sure that the families of these young women felt the same way too.
Selfishly though, I want him to always come home.
In a book that I'm reading, a mother is asked to describe the love she feels for her children. "Loving them, it's...the only word I can come up with is anguish. I love them so much I'm in anguish. I'm so scared something might happen to them. And it would be my fault. And then I would be alone. I mean, there'd be (my husband), but I'd...I'd be alone." That is the best description I've read about how I feel about being a mother. I want so much for my son, but most of all I want him to be safe. I can not imagine the anguish the mothers of those journalists felt.
For now, while my son sleeps, I'm sure his dreams aren't much bigger than the things he loves and the few things he knows. I hope that when he's older I am brave enough to support his big dreams.
My sweet baby boy.

The quote is from an excellent book "Forgive Me", by Amanda Eyre Ward

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